Strollers or "You Know What Really Grinds My Gears?"

I find it somewhat fitting that my very first blog post has to do with something that has been on my mind since before I was pregnant. Strollers. Prams. Pushchairs. I mean, I admire a Quinny or a Bugaboo as much as the next guy, but there has got to be some sort of mommy-etiquette training, or some sort of lesson on how to properly push one down the street without being a total d-bag.

Living in the city, I walk mostly everywhere- unfortunately, so do the bajillions of ladies taking advantage of the awesome maternity laws over here. There are just a few points I'd like to make regarding proper stroller/pushchair/pram policy:

1. Ok, so you chose the massive Silver Cross Chav-ster 3000. I'm not here to judge the fact that you apparently enjoy pushing your child around in something that resembles nothing less than a coffin on wheels. Morticia Addams would be proud. Seriously though, in our fair city there are a number of lovely parks that would be simply divine for wheeling around little Pugsley in the morbid-mobile. But I'm guessing this would take up your time which is more usefully spent buying neon orange things at Primark.

2. It's wonderful that you've made other mommy friends. I can imagine it being quite isolating sitting home alone with your new baby. I really get it. But do the 4 of you really need to walk abreast along the sidewalk as if you're rolling into Kabul or something? We all know you're going to Starbucks, the conversation about nipple flow can surely wait until then.

3. It is beyond gratifying to see that you wish to expand your child's mind, as well as support the local economy, by shopping at the local bookstore. But when your pram takes up roughly 82% of the 150-year-old shop, you might want to consider popping that kid in a Moby or something. Otherwise, I hear Borders has wide aisles, and an elevator, and a Starbucks....

I'm 95% sure this post is going to bite me in the ass in approximately 6 1/2 months, and at that point you all have permission to laugh in my face. Until then though, Get out the way!!